DrNCognito

repeat Chorus 1

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Another Long Goodbye (Instrumental)
© 1988 Lamar Duffy

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Basset Hound Boogie (Instrumental)
© 1992 Lamar Duffy & John Beaudette

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The Battle Of Christmas Eve
Parody of “Gilligan’s Island Theme” by Sherwood Schwartz & George Wyle     Publisher:  EMI U Catalog, Inc.
New lyrics:  Lamar Duffy, 2004
 
Verse 1
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip,
That started from this northern pole, aboard this tiny ship.
 
Verse 2
The crew was a bunch of hardy dwarves; the cargo Christmas cheer,
The skipper was a bearded elf, driving eight reindeer,
Propelled by eight reindeer.
 
Verse 3
The weather started getting rough, they couldn’t see their toes,
So they circled back for guidance help from a deer with a big red nose.
And there begins their woes.
 
Verse 4
(For) Meanwhile down in Michigan, in a snowbound hunting camp,
No one had shot a thing all day; they were cold and tired and damp,
 
Verse 5
 “Well,” the frozen yoopers groused, “we might as well just sit,
And crack open a keg or two, and make the best of it.”
This trip has been the pits.
 
Verse 6
Before too long the hunters all were feeling very fine,
When off in the northern sky there came a reddish shine.
(Hey Roscoe, this one’s mine.)
 
Verse 7
They scrambled up and grabbed their guns, and took aim at the sky,
Hey, hunting season’s a lot more fun with venison that can fly,
Venison that flies.
 
Verse 8
St. Nick swerved, the elves all ducked, and eight small reindeer cried,
“Rudolph, turn that headlight off, or we’re all gonna die.”
 
Verse 9
The gunfire started getting hot, the flying sleigh was tossed,
If not for the drunken hunters’ aim, our heroes would be lost.
Their cookies would be tossed.
 
Verse 10
But our story has a happy end, ‘cause Santa got away,
No one believed, the hunters’ tale,
Of flying deer, and falling beer,
But all were glad, their aim was bad,
At the battle of Christmas Eve.

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Caitlyn Elizabeth
© 1985, 1998 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Caitlyn Elizabeth, just like your mother, pretty as a picture on the wall.
Caitlyn Elizabeth, just like your father, bound and determined to do it all.
 
BRIDGE 1
No sum of money, living like a king, could ever measure up to the joy you bring.
No need to worry, no need to cry, mama’s gonna hold you, gonna make it alright.
 
VERSE 2
Caitlyn Elizabeth, what are you thinking, just a little baby with so much to learn.
Caitlyn Elizabeth, just as I’m blinking, getting so much bigger ev’ry time I turn.
 
BRIDGE 2
You’re so funny, Honey, silly little thing, a-laughing and a-dancing with the songs you sing.
Time to go to bed now, let’s turn out the light, tuck you in with Tigger, gonna kiss you
goodnight.
 
REPEAT BRIDGE 1

VERSE 3
Caitlyn Elizabeth, little lady growin’, Girl you’re looking taller each and ev’ry day.
Caitlyn Elizabeth, thought you should be knowin’, you’ll always be our baby all along the way.
 
REPEAT BRIDGE 2

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Call Me An Outlaw
© 1981, 1987 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Ridin’ down the back roads, and the seldom traveled ways,
The sun bears down upon me as I face the endless haze.
The road ahead is twisted, never leading where I go;
The things that lie in store for me, well only time will show.
I don’t know where I’m goin’, but all know just where I’ve been;
It’s hard to be unnoticed when you’re in the mess I’m in.
‘Cause I’m ridin’ from the memories of the deeds that I have done,
In the days when I was younger, and too free with a gun.
 
CHORUS
Call me an outlaw, hang my picture on the wall,
But I won’t give an answer if it’s my name that you call.
Put a bounty on my head, put a posse on my tail,
But I’ll be one step ahead of you on the trail.
 
VERSE 2
Twenty years ago or so, there lived an angry man,
Who always seemed to be around any time trouble began.
He never stopped to think about the things he did or said,
The seeds that he was sewing, or the tears that would be shed.
But he angered one too many men in drunkenness one night;
He pressed his luck a bit too far in one more senseless fight.
And now he is a fugitive, no place to rest his head;
No way to lose the mem’ry of the man that he left dead.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
BRIDGE
Living isn’t easy, and it’s harder on the run,
But you’ll never see me hangin’ from a tree in the midday sun.
 
VERSE 3
Ridin’ down the back roads and the seldom traveled ways,
The moon beams down upon me; I no longer count the days.
For though my days are numbered, I must keep moving on,
‘Cause I don’t know where they’ll find me, or when that day will dawn.
It’s too late to alter the thing that I’ve become,
And it’s not for me to know when I will succumb.
For my fate is to ride here, out on the lonesome road;
Each day is one more payment of the endless debt I owe.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

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Christmas Eyes
© 2006 Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
December’s here, and holiday cheer, once again drifts through the air.
The calendar’s dance, gives me a glance, of past Christmases hanging there.
As visions float past the mind’s looking glass, some fuzzy, some faded, some clear,
I can’t help but smile, ‘cause I’ve known all the while,
Some of the best ones are yet to appear.
 
CHORUS 1
The garland of gold, the glitter and glare, of Christmas lights painting the skies,
Though fine to behold, they just don’t compare, to my daughter’s Christmas eyes.
 
VERSE 2
The delicate scents of cool peppermints, of cinnamon and evergreen,
All seem designed, just to remind,
Of a pretty face filled up with reindeer dreams.
 
CHORUS 2
The tinsel so bright, a tall candle flame, and snowdrifts that reach to the skies,
Though beautiful sights, they just aren’t the same, as my daughter’s Christmas eyes.
 
BRIDGE
When jingle bells ring, and carolers sing, they’re wonderful things just to hear.
But there’s a true kind, of joy that I find, when my little girl’s standing near.
 
VERSE 3
When December’s here, and holiday cheer, once again drifts through the air,
I’ll always smile, ‘cause just for a while,
I’ll see the face of a little girl there.
 
CHORUS 3
When a full Christmas moon, reminds me to play, this holiday lullaby,
I know that the tune, will make my heart stay, in my daughter’s Christmas eyes.

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Creeky Bog Breakdown
© 1990 Lamar Duffy & John Beaudette
 
VERSE 1
Early in the ev’nin’ when the sun’s settin’ low, when the backwater boils and the wind starts to blow,
If there’s things goin’ on that you don’t wanna know, maybe you better move on.
Well there’s something in the air not quite out of sight, when the Mississippi moon lights the Louisiana night,
The crickets don’t sing and the skeeter’s don’t bite, you gotta ask yourself what’s wrong.
‘Cause there’s spots down there never see the light of day, and there’s things in there prob’ly like it that way,
Half alive or half dead, hell it’s better not to say when it’s still seven hours till dawn.
But you’re still gonna listen when the leaves start to sing, and you still keep lookin’ where you can’t see a thing,
While your brain keeps sayin’ that you’re just imagining that the night’s come alive in a song.
 
CHORUS
Well it flies through the air and it flies through the trees,
Cuts through the dark just as pretty as you please,
Well a hot Southern night makes a hell of a sound,
When it’s time for the Creeky Bog Breakdown.
 
VERSE 2
When the lightnin’ comes down, not a cloud in the sky, and the thunder makes a sound like the Fourth of July,
When the well’s too low and the tide’s too high, the will-o-the-wisp hears the call.
It flickers in the mist and it sits on the ground, till the fog’s gettin’ thicker than the moss hangin’ down.
You know you’re not alone, but you just look around, waitin’ for the nightmare to fall.
Your legs wanna run but you can’t get away, ‘cause the swamp water’s waitin’ if the foot goes astray,
And tomorrow you’ll be standin’ where you were yesterday, if you’re standin’ anywhere at all.
So the bayou’s starin’ at you in between the vines, while the bullfrogs croak and the willow trees whine
It really can’t help put a chill in your spine if you try to make sense of it all.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
VERSE 3
Early in the ev’nin’ when the sun’s settin’ right, and the Mississippi moon fills the Louisiana night,
When the light’s too dark and the dark’s too light, maybe you better move on.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

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Don’t Make Me Fall Again
© 1990 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Don’t tell me that it’s hap’ning again, a charming vision cuts through me.
I get my hopes up once more and then the weather starts to turn gloomy.
Well maybe I’ve been shooting in the dark; the target seems to elude me.
I’m never able to come near the mark, and shattered dreams just consume me.
 
CHORUS
Don’t make me fall in love again, don’t ask me to beg or borrow,
Don’t make me part of your tomorrow; don’t make me fall again.
 
VERSE 2
Don’t tell me to forget the past, the memories keep returning.
And solitude’s all that seems to last, while the pages keep turning.
Broken promises and false starts have battered down my endurance.
The battle hymn of the wounded hearts is such a common occurrence.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
VERSE 3
Don’t tell me that you’re not that way, I might just start to believe you.
Maybe you’re meaning ev’rything you say, but I know what it can lead to.
 
REPEAT CHORUS X 2

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Don’t Mean Nothing To Me
© 1997 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
verse 1
I don’t know if the sun will shine, I do know love’s a state of mind.
It’s all over now; another day.  You have gone, you’ve gone away.
 
verse 2
Most ev’ry one has made mistakes, sometimes the heart that falls will break.
Well you go your way now,  and I’ll go mine.  You’ll never know what’s left behind.  Now
 
chorus
You don’t mean nothing to me, you don’t mean nothing to me no more.
You don’t mean nothing to me, you don’t mean nothing to me no more.
 
verse 3
Simple answers don’t exist when emotions don’t persist.
A pretty pair of eyes can still be blind; I learned that lesson just in time.  Now
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
verse 4
I don’t know when the sun will shine, I do know love’s a state of mind.
It’s all over now; no more to say, so let’s just turn and walk away.  ‘Cause
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
You don’t mean nothing to me.

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Don’t Wake Me Up
© 1997 Lamar Duffy
 
verse 1
Sundown demons may appear, (apprehension’s drawing near),
Horrors hidden in the night, (lurking far beyond my sight).
No werewolf, or vampire do I fear, (the lack of light don’t give me fright),
There’s no goulies that I dread, (or incarnations from the dead),
More than the living, in their homes, armed and waiting with telephones.
 
verse 2
They attack when down I lie, (or any time I close an eye),
If I sit upon the John, (or ever turn my TV on).
They always know when sleep draws nigh. (a woebegone phenomenon),
A flood of fickle fiends so foul, (a flock of vultures on the prowl),
Prepared to do their very best, to assure that I never rest.
 
chorus
Don’t—don’t wake me up, (put the phone down),
There’s no good news at three in the morning.
Don’t—don’t wake me up, (put the phone down),
Go back to bed; you’ve had your last warning.
 
bridge
Close all the curtains, turn the lights down, go to the bedroom and don’t make a sound.
Pull up the covers, hold your breath tight; maybe you’ll get to go to sleep again tonight.
 
verse 3
Now I lay me down to sleep, (I pray the Lord my phone to keep),
At bay along with all the fools, without the sense that God gave to mules.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

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Do You Know What I Feel?
© 1989 John Beaudette
 
VERSE 1
Sittin’ at home in a chair by the phone; I miss you.
I know what to say, but I can’t find the words to rhyme.
I stare at the walls, or I pace down the halls for hours.
The lines on my face are just merely a trace of the time.
 
CHORUS
Do you know how I feel?  Do you care how I feel?
Do you know what I feel for you?
 
VERSE 2
I write a few words though I think they’ve been heard one or two times.
I know what I feel, but it’s so hard to say it just right.
If you were here, I would make it all clear; no more questions.
There’d be no more confusion, no misunderstandings, no fights.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
BRIDGE
You’ve been gone so long, I know I was wrong, but you know you never understood me.
If you returned, would I fin’ly have learned; would I fin’ly lock the door,
Or would I try to find what we had once before?
 
VERSE 3
It’s funny how sometimes you’re not happy with or without her,
And lonely nights just add to the pain and the misery.
Now my pen has run dry, as I glance with one eye at the mirror;
It’s reflection of me isn’t what I expected to see.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

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Edgar Allen Poe’s Twelve Days Of Christmas
Parody of “The Twelve Days Of Christmas” and “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe
Additional words:  Lamar Duffy, 2006
 
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
I came upon a list so strange, as if written by one deranged,
Perhaps a fever of the brain might make someone record
A litany of Christmas gifts the likes of which I’d never seen before.
Such were the lines that I explored.
 
Ah, distinctly I remember, that snowy night in late December,
As the fire’s dying embers cast a glow across my floor,
As I look back, I have to wonder, was it a spell that I was under,
Or some magic Christmas slumber; I may never know for sure.
So hear my tale, I do implore.
 
As I nodded, nearly napping, there came at once a sudden tapping,
A group of people loudly rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
Before I could do anything, in they burst, and began to sing,
About the gifts that they would bring their true love nigh December 24…
 
Sung:            A partridge in a pear tree.
 
[Aside]          Well, that’s something you don’t see every day.
 
Sung:             On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
                      Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves,
                      And a partridge in a pear tree.
 
[Aside]          Just wait—it gets a LOT better.
 
“Uh, that’s quite nice;” my hands were clapping, as from the door I started backing,
“I’ve never seen a glee club, the likes of you before.
I don’t know just what you’re selling,” but as their voices started swelling,
Pretty soon I was near yelling, and they started singing more:
 
Sung:             Five golden rings.
 
[Aside]          OK, now you’ve got my attention.
 
Sung:            Four calling birds…and a partridge in a pear tree.
 
“That’s quite enough, I must insist, that you all cease and desist,”
But as I spoke this choir possessed just proceeded to ignore.
“Make it stop!” I begged the ether, at least just make them take a breather.
But, alas not one did neither, these troubled troubadours,
As on they sang in metaphors.
 
Sung:            Seven swans a-swimming…and a partridge in a pear tree.
 
[Aside]          I’m probably going to regret asking this…
 
“Before you go, about these words—what’s up with all the blasted birds?
What lunatic would bequeath ravens, upon one that he adores?
Tell me now, who let you loose?  Did you escape from Dr. Suess?
Just go away!  Be gone!  Vamoose!” I shouted at my crooning visitors,
But the liturgy grew longer, than ever heretofore:
 
Sung:            Nine ladies dancing…and a partridge in a pear tree.
 
“Well, this has all been lots of fun, but don’t make me get my gun,
If you know what’s best, you’ll run,” I warned the happy hoard.
“Might I suggest a nice asylum?”—I thought by now I could beguile ‘em—
“Where you could sing in any style then…play some shuffleboard?”
But, undaunted, they continued, chanting louder than before:
 
Sung:            Eleven pipers piping…and a partridge in a pear tree.
 
“Oh no you don’t, you brazen loonies, I banish you back to the boonies,
And take your feathered friends & minstrels away from my chamber door.”
At that point I then awoke—could it all have been a joke?
Some kind of prank my mind provoked, from dim & darkest reaches I’d ignored?
But as I rose to splash my face, out of the shadows they encored
The melody that I abhorred!
 
Sung:            On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
                      Twelve drummers drumming…and a partridge in a pear tree.

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Ford Is Just A Four-Letter Word
© 1992 Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Today I got to thinkin’, lyin’ underneath my car,
How those folks in Detroit sleep at night.
Do they ever think about me sweatin’ here alone,
‘Cause they didn’t put the thing together right?
I’d like to think that they’re all hearin’ howls of angry horns,
Stranded in the middle of the road.
But they’re prob’ly ridin’ easy in their Camries and Accords,
While I’m workin’ on this motorized commode.
 
CHORUS 1
Well I had to take the LTD to get parts for the Chrysler,
‘Cause the Chevrolet just won’t run worth a turd.
Now I’m lyin’ here with greasy hands; I think I’ll name this song
“Ford is just a four-letter word.”
 
VERSE 2
You’d think that I’d have fixed by now anything that could go wrong
With this pile of nuts and bolts they call a car.
‘Cause I’ve spent more hours workin’ on it than the folks who built it;
You should see the pile of spare parts in the yard.
But it won’t be long before something else won’t work,
Some black box bellies up without a clue.
Another engineering marvel rears its ugly head,
And leaves me stuck in outer Timbuktu.
 
CHORUS 2
Well I had to take the Lincoln down to get parts for the Plymouth,
‘Cause both doors on the Pontiac are stuck.
Now I’m lyin’ here with greasy hands, thinkin’ up this song,
‘Cause this old Ford, it just ain’t worth a
 
BRIDGE
Truck on down, on down right now, to your local dealer,
He’s sure to have a model just your style.
“‘Cause Dependable’s our middle name, and Quality’s job one;
And we can screw you over with a smile.”
 
VERSE 3
I confess I didn’t read all the fine print that was written,
But it looks like I was dumb not to inquire,
Why the bottom of the last page of the owner’s manual
Stated “some assembly required.”
Now I park it late at night downtown on dark forbidden streets,
I never take the key or lock the door.
But no one ever steals it, and if they do they won’t get far;
The thing won’t pass an automotive store.
 
REPEAT CHORUS 1

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God Has Made This Love
© 2001 Lamar Duffy
 
Verse 1
A solitary angel, out to look around,
Chanced upon a one room chapel at the edge of town.
In ev’ry open window burned a candle flame;
It seemed that two or more of them were gathered in His name. 
Why this scene had drawn him so, he did not have a clue,
Until he took a peak inside, and then and there he knew. 
 
CHORUS 1
Together, forever, he saw that God had made this love. 
Enduring, ensuring, he knew that God had made this
Love as everlasting as a gift sent from above. 
For God has made this love. 
 
Verse 2
No one there would notice, for such as angels can,
He slipped inside unseen by both the woman and the man.
And in this simple chapel, a miracle took place,
A bond was forged within the arms of heaven’s own embrace.
And when the preacher asked of all the people standing there
To bow their heads, so did an angel, offering a prayer. 
 
CHORUS 2
Together, forever, let all know God has made this love. 
Enduring, ensuring, remember God has made this
Love to shine untarnished as a gift sent from above. 
For God has made this love. 
 
VERSE 3
And as they turned to say “I do,” he whispered in their ears. 
 
REPEAT CHORUS 1
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Help Me Rudolph
Parody of “Help Me Rhonda” by Brian Wilson & Mike Love            Publisher:  Irving Music, Inc.
New Lyrics:  Lamar Duffy, 2005
 
VERSE 1
The way it’s comin’ down, don’t know how I’m gonna fly my sled.
If we try to leave, we might run into a mountain instead.
But, Rudolph, your nose sure shines, so if you don’t really mind,
Won’t you help me, Rudolph, help me get this sleigh off the ground?
 
CHORUS
Help me, Rudolph, help, help me Rudolph, [Repeat 6 times]
Help me, Rudolph, yeah, get this sleigh off the ground.
 
VERSE 2
When I first saw it I thought you’d been stung by a bee,
But 4 months later, started thinkin’ plastic surgery.
Oh, Rudolph, your nose really glows; it looks like I need your help, I suppose.
So won’t you help me, Rudolph, help me get this sleigh off the ground?
 
Repeat chorus

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Hold This Moment Close
© 1992 Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Nobody’s here but me, there’s nowhere you have to be,
Nothing you need to do, no one is watching you.
There’s not a sound, no run-around, no rules to heed.
So sit here with me a while, I just want to see you smile.
Some time alone to call our own is all we need.
 
CHORUS
Hold this moment close, hang on to it jealously.
Don’t every let it go, guard it with your soul, and burn it in your memory.
Hold this moment close.
 
VERSE 2
I know that you feel down whenever I’m not around.
But don’t think that I don’t care, just because I’m not there.
Even when I’m gone, you’re not alone, my love’s here too.
So lie down next to me, and set all your worries free.
Nothing in this world could keep me, girl, away from you.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

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Holidays, Holidays
Parody of “Summertime, Summertime” by T. Jameson & S. Feller
Publisher:  Music Sales Corporation, OBO Templeton Publishing Co., Inc.
New lyrics:  Lamar Duffy, 2005
 
CHORUS 1
Holidays, holidays, hol-hol-holidays, holidays, holidays, hol-hol-holidays,
Holidays, holidays, hol-hol-holidays, holidays, holidays, hol-hol-holidays, holidays.
 
VERSE 1
Well, Halloween has gone away, and Thanksgiving was yesterday,
The calendar just won’t delay; it’s holidays.
It’s time to get your butt in gear, go out and spread the season’s cheer,
Put a smile on, act sincere, because it’s holidays.
 
BRIDGE 1
It’s time to head out to the stores, and shop and shop and shop some more,
Oh, come on, you’ll have a ball, a regular free-for-all.
 
CHORUS 2
Holidays, holidays, hol-hol-holidays,
Christmastime, Christmastime, Chris-Chris-Christmastime,
Hanukah, Hanukah, Ha-Ha-Hanukah,
New Years Day, New Years Eve, New-New-New Years Day,
It’s Pearl Harbor Day.
 
VERSE 2
It’s time for sending Christmas cards, and plastic reindeer in the yards,
Don’t be a Scrooge now, have a heart, it’s holidays.
Let’s eat cookies—time to bake!  We’ll make some pies, but no fruitcake.
Forget the diet, take a break for holidays.
 
BRIDGE 2
It’s time for singing Christmas songs, even if the words are wrong.
Oh, come on, you’ll have a ball; let’s go deck them halls.
 
CHORUS 3
It’s Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, hol-hol-holidays,
New Years Eve, New Years Day, hol-hol-holidays,
Hanukah, Boxing Day, hol-hol-holidays,
Kwanza week, Festivus, hol-hol-holidays,
It’s holidays.

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I Don’t Want You No More
© 1988 John Beaudette, Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Your face it smiles with frowns, it’s goin’ ‘round the town that you’re not true to me.
I’ve heard that tune before, and still I ask for more; it’s nothing new to me.
Well if you want it (want it) gotta (gotta) pay the price,
Before you feel it (feel it) gotta make a sacrifice.
I’ve been a fool not to see what all have known before—I don’t want you no more.
 
VERSE 2
You live a cardinal crime, and by your grand design my life is not my own.
Now time and time again, my oft infrequent friend has let me stand alone.
You leave me cryin’ (cryin’) dyin’ (dyin’) for your touch,
And still you’re laughin’ (laughin’) when you’ve got me in the clutch.
But now’s the time to finally even the score—I don’t want you no more.
 
BRIDGE
I don’t want you no more, I’ve got up off the floor, and I’m never being tread on again.
I’m through with your device, all your ill advice; you can’t burn a candle at both its ends.
You’ll fin’ly feel the chill of your evil winds.
 
VERSE 3
You’re like a clinging vine, you squeeze me to the rind, and now my love’s run dry.
A human parasite, you watched with such delight; your life’s a running lie.
You left me burnin’ (burnin’) turnin’ (turnin’) round & round,
While you were sailin’ (sailin’) but you’ve fin’ly run aground,
This time you’re not gonna find me waitin’ for you on the shore—I don’t want you no more.

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I Got A Colonoscopy For Christmas
Parody of “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas” by John Rox
Publisher:  MPL Music Publishing, Inc.
New Lyrics:  Lamar Duffy, 2005
 
VERSE 1
I got a colonoscopy for Christmas, what a nasty present to receive.
I would have settled for a tie or just some socks,
Now I’m on a table, and they’re spreading my buttocks.
 
VERSE 2
I got a colonoscopy for Christmas, I must say that I’m not at all amused.
That big black garden hose, has filled me full of dread;
I wish that I had just gotten a lump of coal instead.
 
BRIDGE 1
Enemas and laxatives are hardly Christmas cheer.
I never thought I’d see my sigmoid colon on TV;
Santa must’ve thought I was really bad this year.
 
VERSE 3
I got a colonoscopy for Christmas, it wasn’t on my list, just check and see!
But now I’m lying here, my knees up to my chest;
Who did I tick off, to get myself into this mess, and get a Christmas colonoscopy?
 
VERSE 4
Just give me back my clothes, you probing maniac,
I’ve got to find a way to escape this crack attack.
 
VERSE 5
I’ve cried and begged and bribed, but all to no avail;
What’s it gonna take to get you people off my tail?
 
BRIDGE 2
Stomach cramping, bowels bloating, my cheeks tremble with fear.
It’s a topic I avoid, but are those things hemorrhoids?  I guess this means my end is near.
 
VERSE 6
I got a colonoscopy for Christmas, who would do a thing like this to me?
The dirty deed’s at hand, I’m prepped and here I wait,
Who’d have thought that I would ever meet with such a fate, to get a Christmas colonoscopy?

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I Want A Hysterectomy For Christmas
Parody of “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas” by John Rox
Publisher:  MPL Music Publishing, Inc.
New Lyrics:  Lamar Duffy, 2004
 
VERSE 1
I want a hysterectomy for Christmas, only a hysterectomy will do.
Don’t just tie my tubes, or do a biopsy, the only thing I’ll settle for’s a hysterectomy.
 
VERSE 2
I want a hysterectomy for Christmas, I don’t think that Blue Cross will mind, do you?
Don’t want a D&C, no crummy curettage; I want an operation that will end my periods.
 
BRIDGE 1
No more cramping, no more bloating, no more monthly scares.
Oh what joy and what surprise, when the week that I despise, is never more among my cares.
 
VERSE 3
I want a hysterectomy for Christmas, only a hysterectomy will do.
Don’t make me get down, upon my knees to plea, all I’m asking for’s a lousy hysterectomy—
A Yuletide hysterectomy for me!
 
VERSE 4
No more ovaries, and no more PMS, I just want to put an end to all this periodic mess.
 
VERSE 5
It doesn’t matter where, it doesn’t matter how, I want a hysterectomy, and I want it NOW!
 
BRIDGE 2
No more swollen feet and fingers, no feminine despair.
Oh it sure would be a thrill to throw away all of these pills,
That would be the answer to my prayers.
 
Repeat Verse 3

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I Want To Pass My History Test For Christmas
Parody of “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas” by John Rox
Publisher:  MPL Music Publishing, Inc.
New Lyrics:  Lamar Duffy, 2005
 
VERSE 1
I want to pass my history test for Christmas, I’d like some help with mathematics, too.
The holidays are near, exams are coming soon,
Oh Santa, won’t you help me; that’s the reason for this tune.
 
VERSE 2
I want to pass my history test for Christmas, I don’t think that’s too much to ask, do you?
Arithmetic is hard, and history’s a bore,
If you get me through these tests, next year I’ll study more.
 
BRIDGE 1
It won’t feel like Christmas vacation if I don’t pass these tests.
I’d like an A or B, but I’d settle for a C, oh Santa, won’t you help me through this mess?
 
VERSE 3
I want to pass my history test for Christmas,
And some help with math would be nice, if you please.
Christmas is at hand, with finals drawing near,
But if I flunk I won’t be having a Happy New Year, so help me with my math and history.
 
VERSE 4
My sister tells me that, if he thinks I’m dumb,
Then on Christmas morning maybe Santa Claus won’t come.
 
VERSE 5
My science score’s OK, and language is a breeze,
But I really need a hand with my math and history.
 
BRIDGE 2
It won’t be merry Christmas morn if I don’t pass these tests.
Oh my parents will be sore, if I don’t get a good score,
I’ll be grounded Christmas, that’s for sure.
 
Repeat Verse 3

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I Want To Pass My Science Test For Christmas
Parody of “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas” by John Rox
Publisher:  MPL Music Publishing, Inc.
New Lyrics:  Lamar Duffy, 2005
 
VERSE 1
I want to pass my science test for Christmas, I’d like some help with mathematics, too.
The holidays are near, exams are coming soon,
Oh Santa, won’t you help me; that’s the reason for this tune.
 
VERSE 2
I want to pass my science test for Christmas, I don’t think that’s too much to ask, do you?
Arithmetic is hard, and science is a bore,
If you get me through these tests, next year I’ll study more.
 
BRIDGE 1
It won’t feel like Christmas vacation if I don’t pass these tests.
I’d like an A or B, but I’d settle for a C, oh Santa, won’t you help me through this mess?
 
VERSE 3
I want to pass my science test for Christmas, and when it’s time for math, don’t let me freeze.
Christmas is at hand, with finals drawing near,
But if I flunk I won’t be having a Happy New Year.
So help me with my math and science, please.
 
VERSE 4
My sister tells me that, if he thinks I’m too dumb,
Then on Christmas morning maybe Santa Claus won’t come.
 
VERSE 5
My history score’s OK, and language is a breeze,
But when science comes you might as well be speaking Japanese.
 
BRIDGE 1
It won’t be merry Christmas morn if I don’t pass these tests.
Oh my parents will be sore, if I don’t get a good score,
I’ll be grounded Christmas, that’s for sure.
 
VERSE 6
I want to pass my science test for Christmas, and my math grades aren’t so great, I must confess.
Christmas is at hand, with finals drawing near,
But if I flunk I won’t be having a Happy New Year.
So help me with my math and science tests.

---

If I’m Dreaming
© 1997 Lamar Duffy & John Beaudette
 
VERSE 1
Not long ago I used to live my life, all alone, on my own.
I never thought that it was all that bad, no memories, of miseries.
But then you showed me there’s another world, held my hand, in that land.
And through the looking glass that you held up, down I fell, into your spell.
And now I hope to spend the rest of  my days, here with you, in this heavenly haze.
 
CHORUS
Don’t wake me up, if I’m dreaming, if I’m dreaming.
Don’t set the clock, if I’m dreaming, if I’m dreaming.
If I’m asleep, Baby, leave me here, where I can always hold you near.
If I’m dreaming.
 
VERSE 2
I guess you realize the state I’m in, you just smile, all the while.
I’ll never know if this is all a trance, you’ve induced; I’m seduced.
But anyway I guess I really don’t   care, my life will seem a dream as long as you’re there.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
VERSE 3
I only hope to spend the rest of my days, here with you, in this heavenly haze.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

In The Back Of My Heart
© 1992 Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
I remember times of darkness when I held your hand in mine,
You said someday you’d do the same for me.
But somedays come and somedays go, and in between the lines,
I’ve become a fading memory.
There wasn’t room enough for me within your best intentions,
No shelter when the storm began to blow.
And when you fin’ly shared with me your fears and apprehensions,
I knew the time had come for me to go.
 
CHORUS
But I’ll still hold you in the back of my heart,
I’ll save a place for you in the back of my heart.
There’ll be a candle in the window shining out to where you are;
So I can hold you in the back of my heart.
 
VERSE 2
When the worst won’t come to words, you leave me playing it by ear;
I think by now I’ve figured out the tune.
You’re not sure what you’re looking for or what you can hold dear,
Or if you’ll recognize it very soon.
How often have you turned your back on a chance of living,
Because you wanted foolproof guarantees?
You’ll find that second guesses can be very unforgiving,
When happiness eludes you by degrees.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
VERSE 3
There wasn’t room enough for me within your best intentions,
And if you tried, I’ll never know for sure.
Now all that I can feel from you is doubt and apprehension
And those are things I don’t know how to cure.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

Into The Light
© 1989 Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
It’s lightning, I’m struck between the eyes, there’s thunder, rips through my heart.
It’s fright’ning, just now I realize a mile away is like a world apart.
 
VERSE 2
Consuming, burning within my mind, alluring, she captures me.
Assuming, that I am hers to find, we’re on the brink of my insanity.
My head is reeling, wheeling, I can’t control this feeling, falling into the light.
 
VERSE 3
I’m running, I’m doing double time, I’m chasing, my destiny.
I’m coming, but it’s an uphill climb; today a day is like eternity.
This spell is binding, blinding, don’t know what I’ll be finding
 
CHORUS
Into the night, falling into the night, Wo—Oh.
Into the night, falling into the night, Wo—Oh.
 
VERSE 4
Confusing, I’m lost from time to time, tomorrow’s, too soon today.
She’s using, my hand to draw the line, from where I was to where I’m bound to stay.
I don’t recall the calling, just know that now I’m falling
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

It’s Just September
Parody of “Return To Sender” by Otis Blackwell & Winfield Scott
Publishers:  Chrysalis Standards Music, OBO Elvis Presley Music; Cherry River Music Co., OBO Elvis Presley Music
New Lyrics:  Lamar Duffy 2005
 
VERSE 1
I took the shopping list to Wal-Mart, to get the kids back in school,
But they’ve got Frosty by the front door; there ought to be a rule.  (I want to tell them)
 
CHORUS 1
It’s just September; the temp’s 99; who builds snowmen, in the summertime?
It’s way too early, to hear carols play; I still haven’t bought groceries to cook out on Labor Day.
 
VERSE 2
I settled down to watch some football, the first game of the year.
But when they come to the commercial, they’re singing ‘bout reindeer.  (I want to tell them)
 
CHORUS 2
It’s just September, lay off the elves; stuff the plum pudding, up your jingle bells.
 
BRIDGE
They rush the season more and more each year, but I think that it’s obscene,
To have to listen to anything by Burl Ives, a month before Halloween.  (For cryin’ out loud)
 
CHORUS 3
It’s just September, so go away; talk to me about Christmas, after Thanksgiving Day.

---

Jamie
© 1988 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
It really feels like a long, long time, I wonder what she’s doin’?
Funny how she’s always on my mind, you know, it’s leading me to ruin.
Though we’re separated by the miles, she’s still close to my heart.
I wish it didn’t have to be this way, I wish we weren’t apart.
 
CHORUS 1
“Jamie’s just a girl you knew,” that’s what people say to me.
“Forget about her; start anew;” I wish it worked that easily.
“Out of sight and out of touch, you know you miss her, miss her much too much.”
 
VERSE 2
I met her in a movie line, the crowd was hardly movin’.
I sat beside her by design, she wasn’t disapprovin’.
Afterwards we talked a while, it didn’t take too long,
To put my soul in disarray, I hope I wasn’t wrong.
 
REPEAT CHORUS 1
 
BRIDGE
So wake up, mister, read the news, you know you’ve got too much to lose,
To sit there asking desp’rately, “Will she be coming back to me, to me?”
 
VERSE 3
I know it’s gonna be a long, hard climb, I wonder what I’m doin’?
Will I ever get her off my mind? She might be my undoin’.
Though we’re separated by the miles, she’s still got my heart.
I wish I didn’t have to feel this way, I wish we weren’t apart.
 
REPEAT CHORUS 1
 
CHORUS 2
“‘Cause Jamie’s just a girl you knew,” that’s what people say to me.
“Forget about her; start anew, why do you refuse to see?”
Out of sight and out of touch, I know I miss her, miss her much too much.

---

Joy To The World
Parody of “Joy To The World” by Hoyt Axton                     Publisher:  Irving Music, Inc.
Also includes parts of the traditional “O Come All Ye Faithful,” “Hark The Herald Angels Sing,” “It Came Upon A Midnight Clear,” & “Joy To The World.”
Arranged by Lamar Duffy, 2005
 
VERSE 1
O come all ye faithful, come and behold him,
Born the King of angels and the Lord of Lords, down in Bethlehem, in a manger in Bethlehem.
 
Chorus
Joy to the world, all the boys and girls, hark all the herald angels sing, “Glory to the King.”
 
VERSE 2
It came upon a midnight clear, that glorious song of old,
From angels bending near the earth, to touch their harps of gold.
 
Repeat Chorus
 
VERSE 3
Let ev’ry heart prepare him room, let heaven and nature sing,
Of peace on earth, goodwill toward men; let earth receive her King,
Yes, let earth receive her King.
 
Repeat Chorus
 
BRIDGE
Joy to the world, all the boys and girls, joy to the world, joy to you and me.
 
Repeat Chorus

---

JUST A VISION
© 1987 John Beaudette
 
VERSE 1
I see you around, I feel your presence, but don’t hear a sound.
Imagination can’t be suppressed; it takes full control.
I see you everywhere that I turn, eternally your candle will burn.
Ageless beauty, a dream to behold, you’ll never grow old.
In a strange way I know you’re near; there’s not a chance you’ll disappear,
But not finding you is what I fear.
 
CHORUS
You’re just a vision to me, in reality there’s nothing I see,
But sometimes I just sit and stare, and though I know you’re not really there,
I know I’ll find you somewhere.
 
VERSE 2
Take me on a journey with you, above the clouds where dreams all come true.
Riding on the waves of the wind, where no one else goes.
Hold your body close to mine, forget about the passage of time.
Relax and let the feeling grow, and let your love flow.
In a strange way I know you’re near; there’s not a chance you’ll disappear,
But not finding you is what I fear.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

KATYDID
© 1997 Lamar Duffy
 
verse 1
Did you see what Katy did?
Showed up two weeks late, but it’s worth the wait, just to see her in her mother’s arms.
Got her eyes all blue and some blond hair, too, guess she’s gonna share her mother’s charms.
Never thought it’d take so long just to have a little Katydid.
 
verse 2
Did you see what Katy did?
Make her mama proud; hear her laugh out loud, any time someone says her name.
Gonna be all right if she sleeps through the night, but I know we’re never gonna be the same.
Got nobody else to blame; just a little Katydid.
 
bridge 1
Just a little bitty girl with a new-tooth smile, growin’ up fast; only takes a little while.
First she learned to stand, next thing she’s gonna walk
Who’d’ve ever thought we’d have a little Katydid.
 
verse 3
Did you see what Katy did?
Got the dog on the run when the cat’s no fun, hidin’ and seekin’ to and fro.
Gonna sing the same song to me all night long, ee - ii - ee - ii - ee -  ii - oh.
Only tune that the girl knows; that’s my little Katydid.
 
bridge 2
Just a little bitty girl with a two-tooth smile, growin’ up fast; only takes a little while.
Can’t understand how quick she learned to talk; 
Who’d’ve ever thought we’d have a little Katydid.
 
verse 4
Did you see what Katy did?
Got her Winnie the Pooh, got her Tigger, too, a shiny little bundle from above.
Just a little doodlebug with a great big hug; guess she’s gonna fill this house with love.
Don’t think I’ll ever get enough of my little Katydid.

---

LET GO
© 1997 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
I heard you ran into some trouble just the other day. 
She said I had it coming, but I don’t see it that way. 
It seems there’s always someone tryin’ to stake a claim on you.
You take the good and bear the bad, and somehow you’ll get through.
What else can you do?
 
VERSE 2
I know you’ve had some heartache and some false starts, I’ve been told.
Sometimes things can feel so right, but still they won’t take hold.
You can’t predict the ending, guess that’s why you play the game.
But how long can you face the fire and never feel the flame?
Who you gonna blame?
 
CHORUS
Let go, let go, let go of my life, go away and leave me alone.
Let go, let go, let go of my life; I’ll make it on my own.
 
VERSE 3
We’ve all had some hard times, took some lumps along the way.
And what might seem so long  ago was just the other day.
I guess there’s always someone out there standing on your dreams.
It’s hard to know what’s right or wrong, or what falls in between.
You know what I mean.
 
Repeat Chorus

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A LITTLE ATTENTION
© 1987 John Beaudette
 
VERSE 1
I look at you, you shy away, how can I convince you that I’m really O.K.?
I don’t know what you’ve heard before, if only I had you I wouldn’t ask for more.
 
VERSE 2
I call you up, you’re never home, in all your life you’ve never had to be alone.
I don’t know what to say to you; it’s hard enough to get a line to get on through.
 
CHORUS
So write me a letter, drop me a line, maybe a post card; show me a sign.
Send me a wire, or give me a call, a little attention is all I need from you.
 
VERSE 3
There’s just so many pretty girls, no matter where you travel in the whole wide world.
But in your arms I want to be, how long will it take before you notice me?
 
REPEAT CHORUS

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LIVE IT UP
© 1987 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Anybody here feelin’ good?  You’re gonna party like you never could.
Anybody here feelin’ right?  This band is gonna raise the roof tonight.
So guys grab your ladies, women grab your man,
Show ‘em how you feel, make ‘em understand.
 
CHORUS
You got to live it up, you got to live it up,
You got to live it up, keep it up, don’t you ever give it up,
Live it up!
 
VERSE 2
Anybody here havin’ fun?  It’s not the end, we’ve only just begun.
Anybody here wanna dance?  Well there’s the spotlight, Baby, here’s  your chance.
So guys grab your ladies, women grab your man,
Show ‘em how you feel, make ‘em understand.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
VERSE 3
Anybody here feelin’ hot?  You’re in the wrong place, Baby, if you’re not.
Anybody here like it loud?  Well get up on your feet and join the crowd.
So guys grab your ladies, women grab your man,
Show ‘em how you feel, make ‘em understand.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

THE LIVER SONG
© 1990 Lamar Duffy
 
CHORUS
I hate liver, liver makes me quiver, liver makes me curl right up and die. (Makes me cry)
I hate liver, a sliver makes me shiver, so deliver all the liver right outside.
 
VERSE 1
Don’t want sardines in my ice cream, don’t want no oyster stew,
And if you feed me collard greens, I’ll puke all over you.
Well, artichokes’ll make me choke, and squid’ll make me spit,
Don’t even joke ‘bout runny yolk, ‘cause I’ll have none of it.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
VERSE 2
Won’t eat a beet with potted meat, don’t make no mince meat pie,
Don’t cook a cabbage on this street; why would you even try?
No English peas or cottage cheese, no broc’li boiler bags,
No recipes with rhubarb, please; I think it’d make me gag.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
BRIDGE
Well pig’s feet have an awful smell, and chittlins are just gross,
But you know by now quite well, the one thing I hate most.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

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Lucy Spruce, The Christmas Goose
© 2006 Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Down County Road Eleven, on the banks of Bitter Branch,
There lived a goose named Lucy, on a little family ranch,
Where they grew the finest Christmas trees that anyone had seen;
The people came from miles around for Yuletide evergreens.
And everyone knew Lucy, the children all would cheer,
‘Cause Lucy’d run and play and honk anytime that they got near.
Lucy greeted everyone who came to buy a tree;
Yes Lucy started Christmastime for lots of families.
 
CHORUS 1
Oh, Lucy Spruce, the Christmas Goose, a legend she became;
The pride of Johnson’s Christmas farm; everybody knew her name.
It’s time to go see Lucy, when there’s holly everywhere,
And jingle bells and snowflakes once more fill the air.
 
VERSE 2
But then one year some yokels came across the county line,
Who, when they first saw Lucy thought, “That turkey sure looks fine.”
So when they paid the farmer for the tree that they preferred,
Afterwards they asked him, “Whatcha want for that there bird?”
When Farmer Johnson told them that Lucy’s not for sale,
The strangers thanked him for the tree, and then they wished him well.
But all the while they’re thinkin’ that “Tonight we’re comin’ back,
And we’ll have Christmas dinner stuffed down in a croaker sack.”
 
CHORUS 2
Oh, Lucy Spruce, the Christmas Goose, a legend she became;
The pride of Johnson’s Christmas farm; everybody knew her name.
She lived a carefree life out among the Christmas trees,
Never realizing she’d go well with cranberries.
 
BRIDGE
Well by the full moon’s light they came up over the fence,
Lookin’ like the reject cast out of Deliverance.
They came right after Lucy, and boy did the feathers fly,
Just like giant snowflakes all across the Christmas sky.
 
VERSE 3
Well all the other animals, they sounded the alarm,
And the people of the town poured out, to protect the farm.
I’m sure that Lucy’s grateful that they came to her defense,
But she just kept on runnin’, and we ain’t seen her since.
But every year at Christmastime, we think she comes around,
Because of all the webbed footprints we find upon the ground.
And when you have your Christmas meal, it’s hard to overlook,
The caterwaulin’ flashbacks of a goose that almost cooked.
 
CHORUS 3
Oh, Lucy Spruce, the Christmas Goose, a legend she became;
The pride of Johnson’s Christmas farm; everybody knew her name.
We’d really love to have her back; we hope someday she’ll come,
‘Cause there ain’t been no silent nights since Lucy’s on the run.

---

Mediocrity (The Disclaimer Song)
© 1992 Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
I’ve spent six months now tryin’ to write this song,
It’s got a dozen half-verses that don’t go along.
I can’t seem to find a chorus that fits;
I’m afraid my concentration has wandered a bit.
I’ve had this idea since half-past June,
But it took me this long to fit the words to the tune.
I’m not music’ly inclined, you see,
I’m dead-zoned-in on mediocrity.
 
CHORUS 1
(So) I’ll dust off my four chords, and write a simple melody.
Forgive me if you’ve heard it before—I’m perfecting mediocrity.
 
VERSE 2
I’ve spent the last two weeks tryin’ to play this for you,
I know it’s not perfect; it’s the best I could do.
Parts of it may really sound dumb;
It’s hard to play guitar when all your fingers are thumbs.
I’ve worked real hard but I’m the first to admit,
I patched and I punched and I cheated a bit.
My singing is a little off-key;
I’ve never been accused of perfect harmony.
 
CHORUS 2
(So) I’ll dust off my four chords, and play a simple melody.
Forgive me if you find it a bore—I’m perfecting mediocrity.
 
VERSE 3
My friends prob’ly want me to just give them a break,
‘Cause every other year they get stuck with a tape.
They thank me and they say it’s real nice;
I think they’re just grateful it’s not Vanilla Ice.
Someday I might grow up and get out of this stage,
Get a normal hobby and start acting my age.
Maybe it’ll come by-and-by;
But if I were you I wouldn’t get my hopes up too high.
 
REPEAT CHORUS 1

---

Missing From America
© 1989 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Too many years tied up and taken, too many days come and gone.
Holding back the tears, for far too long, facing yet another lonely dawn.
 
VERSE 2
Who knows for sure what has really happened?  Who knows at all what has been done?
What do they endure, how can this go on?  Faceless people using them, using them as pawns.
 
CHORUS
Missing from America, hidden from the world, ransom for a reason yet unknown.
Missing from America, living life alone, hoping that some day they’ll get to come home.
 
VERSE 3
Who knows tonight, where will they be sleeping?  Who knows how long before they’re found?
Stolen from the life that was their own, forced to lie down on a bed, on a bed of stone.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
VERSE 4
Too many years tied up and taken, still the days they come and go,
Fighting back the fears, “Are we still known, in the land that used to be, used to be our home?”
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

Mistaken
© 1987 John Beaudette
 
VERSE 1
Look out the window, it’s raining; just watch it come down, the rhythm it sounds so serene.
There’s not a person remaining; no one on the street, there’s not a soul at the scene
Of the crime, they’re gone, another heart broken, a love gone wrong today.
 
VERSE 2
What do you do with a good thing?  You just let it grow, and never let go if you can.
But nothing stays perfect forever, good things go bad, smiling faces turn sad,
I don’t know, why you’re always on my mind, as far as I know I guess I’m wasting my time again.
 
CHORUS 1
It’s raining, it’s pouring, and it’s been like this all morning.
I’m shaking, I’m aching, and I guess I was mistaken about you, about you.
 
VERSE 3
It looks like the worst of it’s over, the horizon is clear, there’s nothing to fear any more.
And hey, by the way, Babe, I love you; I thought that you knew, the rumors were true all along.
I know you only too well, I know how you feel, you know it’s easy to tell sometimes,
Sometimes, when you tell me
 
CHORUS 2
It’s raining, it’s pouring, and it’s been like that all morning.
You’re shaking, you’re aching, and I guess you were mistaken about me, about me.
 
CHORUS 3
Yes, it’s raining, it’s pouring, and it’s been like this all morning.
We’re shaking, we’re aching, and I guess we were mistaken about you, about me.

---

Mr. Grinch
Parody of “Iron Man” by F. Iommi, J. Osbourne, W. Ward, T. Butler
Publisher:  Cromwell Music, Inc, OBO Essex Music International, Inc.
New Lyrics:  Lamar Duffy, 2004
 
VERSE 1
He is Mr. Grinch; he makes little children flinch.
Bloodshot eyes and face of green; boy is that guy really mean.
The Whos down in Whoville, oh they get on his nerves.
Planning his vengeance, that he will soon affirm.
 
VERSE 2
Way up on the hill, all their singing makes him ill.
All their noise just gives him fits; man this mountain is the pits.
His feet are freezing; shoes don’t fit him quite right,
Now Christmas is coming; boy this sure ain’t his night.
 
VERSE 3
With his crooked smile, heart too small and breath so vile,
He torments his dog, while he stares down through the fog.
“Gotta do something,” he sneers at poor little Max.
“I’ve had it with holly; time to give Christmas the ax.”
 
VERSE 4
So he makes a sled, beard of cotton, suit of red.
Into town he stole; must have garlic in his soul.
Dog with an antler; that just don’t make no sense.
Unwilling accomplice, that’ll be his defense.
 
VERSE 5
House to house they went; gotta admit he’s diligent.
Just like common thugs; why can’t he just buy earplugs?
Stole the Who pudding, then he grabbed the roast beast.
Last can of Who hash, he cleaned out the whole bloody feast.
 
VERSE 6
Up the hill he goes; how it all stayed on, I don’t know.
From his mountain high… “‘xcuse me, while I kiss the sky.”
 
VERSE 7
From his mountain high, anticipating peace and quiet,
But to his surprise, they’re still singing to the skies.
“For crying out loud now, can’t they give it a rest?
Who needs this kind of karma on his chest?”
 
VERSE 8
So he took it back, every box and every sack,
Every wreath and bow; even hung the mistletoe.
“Might as well join them; it’d be rude just to leave.
But come next Christmas, I’m vacationing in Tel Aviv.”

---

Not Like Home
© 1989 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
I don’t know their faces, don’t know their names,
Been so many changes, nothing looks the same, oo-oo, it’s not like home.
They don’t know me, I don’t understand, seems to me I’m in a foreign land, oo-oo, it’s not like home.
They look me over, stare me down, ev’ry time they see me walkin’ around, oo-oo, it’s not like home.
I don’t fit in, I don’t belong, I can hardly wait till the day I’m gone, oo-oo, it’s not like home.
 
CHORUS
It’s not like home, where’s the friendly faces that I know?
It’s not like home, where are all the places that I go?
It’s not like home, I turned around and found that it’s not like home.
 
VERSE 2
Been out on my own for oh so long, don’t know how I coulda been so wrong, oo-oo, it’s not like home.
I did my best to play my part, but I guess that it wasn’t very smart, oo-oo, it’s not like home.
I don’t know who to turn to, don’t know where to go,
Been so many places and not a thing to show, oo-oo, it’s not like home.
I pass them on the street, but they don’t come near,
Don’t know why I ever came back here, oo-oo, it’s not like home.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
REPEAT VERSE 1
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

One Day
© 1988 John Beaudette
 
VERSE 1
I’m a lonesome traveler on the road, bearing in my mind what I’ve been told.
If you stay on the chosen path, you’ll win out in the aftermath, it’s true, it’s true.
 
VERSE 2
People lie, and people scheme, they make it hard to live your dream.
If you could sidestep all those fools, with all their games and all their rules, you’ll do, what you set out to.
 
CHORUS
One day, it will be over, the waiting will be over,
One day, it will all be said and done.
 
VERSE 3
It’s hard to reach and hard to catch, and harder yet to stay attached.
If I could only find someone, this lonely journey would be done, it’s true, it’s true.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

Poor Musician’s Prayer
© 1997 Lamar Duffy
 
verse 1
Sittin’ here with this old guitar; I know these sounds prob’bly won’t carry far.
A melody’s in the back of my mind, just out of reach, waitin’ for me to find.
O patron saint of the poor musician, allow this voice to fulfill your ambition.
I’ll try to follow you the best that I can, but I’d be grateful if you’d lend me a hand.
 
verse 2
A quiet room at the end of the hall; the search for words leads me  into a  wall.
Faint ideas not quite firmly in place, can disappear, never leaving a trace.
O patron saint of the poor musician, please guide my pen through your new composition.
You know I’ll do my best to answer your call; remember me, and I’ll try not to fall.
 
bridge
I don’t have the gifts; I don’t have the grace.
I’m not too swift; but I’m still in the race.
Forgetful fingers on a slow left hand, evasive ears and a voice made of sand.
I  lack the tools to serve you with ease.
So please bear with me when I offer songs like these.
 
verse 3
Sittin’ here at the end of the day, at a piano that I’m too tired to play.
A missing verse floats a-round in my brain, like foggy breath on a cold window  pane.
O patron saint of the poor musician, please show these fingers to the proper positions.
I’ll try to serve you, I know that you care; O Saint please listen to this poor musician’s prayer.

---

The Raven Flies
© 1989 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Who, who would have thought it could be?  You, you were so careless and free.
Now, ev’rything’s cold and gray, we won’t last another day;
You’re telling me you can’t stay with me.
 
CHORUS
So the raven flies, taking to the skies, shedding her disguise, so as not to leave a clue.
And the raven flies, right before my eyes, now I realize who’s fooling (who.)
 
VERSE 2
Who, who can explain what I’ve seen?  You, you made my life so serene.
Now no longer by my side, you’re taking it all in stride,
While something inside me died, a dream.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
VERSE 3
Ooh, how could I ever have known, that you would leave me alone?
Now all that I had is gone, I still don’t know what went wrong;
You were just leading me on all along.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

Reap The Harvest (Instrumental)
© 1981, 1989 John Beaudette

---

Reindeer Baloney
Parody of “Rockin’ Pneumonia & The Boogie Woogie Flu” by Huey P. Smith & John Vincent
Publisher:  Cotillion Music, Inc.
New lyrics:  Lamar Duffy, 2004
 
VERSE 1
There’s a Christmas party; I’ve gotta go, talk to a bunch of people I don’t know.
But I’ll just try to have a good attitude, drink a little egg nog, get some holiday food.
 
VERSE 2
Hit the bar & then checked out the buffet, walked right by the cheese & vegetable tray.
But what these hors d’oeuvres are, I can’t venture a clue;
Looks like reindeer baloney; could be chipmunk barbeque.
 
VERSE 3
Grabbed some silverware & got me a plate, it’s been hours since the last time I ate.
But I’m too afraid to ask them what’s in the stew;
Might be reindeer baloney; maybe Rudolph’s in there too.
 
VERSE 4
Figured what the heck, I’ll give it a crack, I’ll eat most anything that don’t eat me back.
But there’s something here that I can’t even chew;
Think it’s reindeer baloney, & it tastes just like bamboo.
 
VERSE 5
Well that’s it, I gotta get out of here, I’ve had my fill of this odd Christmas cheer.
Gonna get a burger, bid this soirée adieu,
No more reindeer baloney, no more chipmunk barbeque.

---

Remember Me Out On The Sea
© 1988 Jeromee’ Beaudette, John Beaudette, & Lamar Duffy--Words 
 
VERSE 1
When I told you my life did you listen, hear my songs of the land and the sea?
Will you hold the mem’ry of the moments we shared?  Will you remember me out on the sea?
 
VERSE 2
As your anchor pulls up from the water, as your sails grab onto the breeze,
Will you turn back to land to raise up your hand, and remember me out on the sea?
 
BRIDGE
And back at the harbor, the lighthouse still stands, our footprints are buried by waves on the sand.
I’m glad that you’re leading the life that you know as your own.
 
VERSE 3
If you feel a soft wind at your back, turn slowly and listen with care.
In a whisper of wind, my love will rush in, like the salt and the sea in your hair.
 
REPEAT VERSE 1

---

The Rest Of The Story
© 1997 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
verse 1
It’s overtime, on easy street, where the wounded walk about with the elite.
A million people exist alone, a heavily populated twilight zone.
Silencing the sounds in their ears, attending only to their nows and heres.
It’s push and shove while the lost and found, wage a moral struggle for the higher ground.
 
chorus
Time for two, just for me and you, a private rendezvous.
I’m yours to have, if you’re mine to hold;
Now let the rest of the story be told.
 
verse 2
Day by day, we take our place, and stride for stride, we’re keeping the pace.
Like social zombies who can’t help but stare, past the souls whose empty worlds we share.
Chivalry’s becoming a crime, another victim of these time-share times.
That’s not us; I wouldn’t want to be, a willing player in this tragedy.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
verse 3
Our love is all we have to hold, to protect us from a world gone cold.
We’re not bound to spend our days, wondering ‘round in an emotional maze.
A legacy has fallen behind; the aftermath of living half blind.
While far above a single star looks down, and sheds a tear for this tired town.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

Running From Yourself
© 1989 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
You’re saying that you’re leaving, this time you’ve closed the door;
You’ve turned your back on love again, you won’t come back no more.
You’ve finally decided to hardened up your heart,
To play the game more safely so you won’t get torn apart.
You know you’re lying, put that plan back on the shelf.
There ain’t no denying, you’re just running from yourself.
 
VERSE 2
The disillusioned subject, you think you’ve seen it all;
Your mirror’s not reflecting the writing on the wall.
The pride of false pretenses has got you running blind,
You’ve been riding fences, afraid of what you’ll find.
You’ve been crying, sinking deeper in the well.
Now there’s no denying, you’re just running from yourself.
 
BRIDGE 1
This road is winding, the ax is grinding through.
The sun is blinding, will it be finding you?
Or will you fade from view?
 
VERSE 3
A fortress in the darkness, you think you’ve finally learned;
If you don’t face the fire again there’s no chance you’ll get burned.
An island left uncharted, a promise unfulfilled,
A testimony to the breaking of a lover’s will.
Oh, you’re dying, you’re making your own hell.
Now there’s no denying, you’re just running from yourself.
 
REPEAT VERSE 1
 
BRIDGE 3
This road is winding, the ax is grinding you in two.
The sun is shining, will it be finding you?
Or will you fade from view?

---

She’s A Killer
Steve Ryland 1982
 
VERSE 1
Issue all points bulletins, tell the FBI;
I hope it’s not too far to my getaway car.
Red-eyed murderer, cold as a cobra, listen to her lies;
Shoot you right between the eyes.
 
CHORUS
She’s a killer (She uses love like a gun),
She’s a killer (She’s gonna keep you on the run),
Cold as a cobra, meaner than Attila the Hun.
 
VERSE 2
No use to run, she’ll leave no stone unturned; so pretty and tall, she’ll nearly nail you to the wall.
I ain’t no Sherlock Holmes, yet I know that it’s true;
I acted like Dick Tracy, but she shot me down, too.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
VERSE 3
She’s a lethal injection of potent cyanide,
If you come home late you better bring a wooden stake.
She’ll smother you with lovin’, enough to lead you on,
Then cover you with kisses until you start to groan.
 
REPEAT CHORUS X 2

---

Singing Glory Hallelue
Parody of “Rockin’ Pneumonia & The Boogie Woogie Flu” by Huey P. Smith & John Vincent
Publisher:  Cotillion Music, Inc.
New lyrics:  Lamar Duffy, 2004
 
VERSE 1
Wanna jump and shout and tell everyone, got good news about the Father and Son.
Let all the world hear just what we’ve got to do:
Give praise to the Father and sing Glory Hallelue.
 
VERSE 2
All the prophets back from old Abraham, through good King Solomon they all saw the plan.
They all heard the Word, and they knew it was true,
Giving praise to the Father, singing Glory Hallelue.
 
VERSE 3
Simon Peter, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, John the Baptist; well, the list just goes on.
All God’s people oughta know what they knew,
Giving praise to the Father, singing Glory Hallelue.
 
VERSE 4
So now spread it far and spread it wide, got a message that just can’t be denied.
So listen up people and hear what I’m telling you:
Give praise to the Father and sing Glory Hallelue.
 
Repeat Verse 1

---

S.O.L.  P.D.Q.
© 1997 Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Rumors been flying ‘round; I usually don’t mind,
You can’t believe a fraction of what either ear will find.
People like to talk and talk a lot; I realize that,
But lately I’ve been wondering if some of it ain’t fact.
The story ‘bout another man I said just wasn’t true;
It could’ve been a brother they saw stepping out with you.
“She ain’t got no brother, fool; God help her if it was,
She’d have even more explaining due from what we saw, because
 
CHORUS 1
She’d be S. O. L.  P. D. Q.
You won’t believe the better half of what I saw her do.
You know I’ve got to say if it was me instead of you, she’d be S. O. L.  P. D. Q.”

VERSE 2
Now I’m a pretty trusting soul, when all is done and said.
The benefit of doubt I’ll gladly give and turn my head
To anything suspicious that some other folks may know
Until the tune repeats itself too much to let it go.
The tales about the other guy, I almost understand
But now I hear you’re seen with girls, and not just holding hands.
“They were sitting awful close, and having lots of fun
But they weren’t sharing lipstick in the way it’s usually done.
 
CHORUS 2
Looks like you’re S. O. L.  P. D. Q.
You won’t believe the better half of what we saw her do.
You know we wouldn’t tell you this if some of it weren’t true; looks like you’re S. O. L.  P. D. Q.”
 
BRIDGE
You’re up the creek without a paddle, stripped to your last dime;
The way this woman’s treating you, it ought to be a crime.
Forget the second chances, she’s done used up all her rope;
And if you let her stick around, you’re gone beyond all hope.
 
VERSE 3
I didn’t want to hear it, even though I’ve seen the proof
Of all the things you’ve said and done right under my own roof.
Now even my old dog just shakes his head and looks as though
He wants to stand right up and bark at me “I told you so.”
 
CHORUS 3
I guess I’m S. O. L.  P. D. Q.
I can’t believe the better half of what I saw you do.
It looks like I could really use an  I. Q.  I. O. U.  I guess I’m S. O. L.  P. D. Q.
Yes, I’m  S. O. L.  P. D. Q.
Looks like I’m S. O. L.  P. D. Q.

---

Something Else
© 1990 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Yes indeed, caught me in the act, your keen perception is a matter of fact.
I took a shot, and I tried my best; I couldn’t take it, couldn’t stand the test.
 
VERSE 2
Don’t wanna rush you or come on too strong, but I’ve been waiting, and it’s been too long.
‘Cause when I see you, Girl, my heart just melts, I guess it’s just because you’re something else.
 
CHORUS
You’re driving me wild, though you’re barely more than a child.
I wanna love you, take care of you, yes, indeed, you’re something else.
 
VERSE 3
To proceed, let me tell you this, you’re something special I don’t want to miss.
But hesitation caught me in the clutch, I’m going crazy; it’s a bit too much.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
VERSE 4
Yes, indeed, now you know the truth, it’s been so hard to keep my hands off of you.
So look at me, I’m a helpless case; my body’s aching, I’m all over the place.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

Southern Winter Wonderland
Parody of “Winter Wonderland” by Felix Bernar & Dick Smith               Publisher:  WB Music Corp.
New Lyrics:  Lamar Duffy 2004
 
VERSE 1
It’s not too cold down in Dixie, when the songs turn St. Nick-sy.
And when your nose glows, it’s not ‘cause it’s froze, in a southern winter wonderland.
 
VERSE 2
In December, you’ll perspire, if you dare start a fire.
Mosquitoes will bite, and you’ll itch all night, in a southern winter wonderland.
 
BRIDGE 1
In the forest we can build a tree stand, so we can hide a-way up off the ground.
We’ll drink some beer up in our little tree stand, and try not to get so drunk that we fall down.
 
VERSE 3
In a can, you can buy it, if you just have to try it.
If it’s white at your home, it’s just Styrofoam, in a southern winter wonderland.
 
BRIDGE 2
In the meadow we will throw some corn ears, then hide downwind without making a sound.
But if we see something that looks like reindeer, I must confess we’ll prob’ly gun it down.
 
VERSE 4
Jingle bells may be playin’, but we won’t be a sleighin’.
It’s Christmas all right, but it sure ain’t white, in a southern winter wonderland.

---

Tell Her
© 1987, 1998 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
In the early morning light, the songs of birds chase off the night.
You see the girl you love so much, you hear her words, you feel her touch.
The only one you care about, and cannot live without.
 
VERSE 2
You wonder what goes through her mind; with all your plans, have you been blind?
‘Cause there’s a girl who looks so sad; what could make her feel so bad?
The only girl you care about, and cannot live without.
 
CHORUS
Doesn’t she know,  hasn’t she heard?  Won’t somebody tell her, give her the word?
Just take the time to make it all clear.  Tell her you love her, tell her that her place is here.
 
VERSE 3
When the day has come and gone, your nerves are frayed, your patience worn.
You hurry to your lady love, the one you’re always thinking of.
The only one you care about, and cannot live without.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

Tell Me How You Feel About Me
© 1992 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Baby, I like talkin’ to ya, baby, I like walkin’ with ya,
Baby, tell me how you feel about me.
I know, we could be so happy, Baby, if we spent a little time together,
Baby, tell me how you feel about me.
 
BRIDGE 1
Lately, all I do is dream of you, you’re always on my mind.
All I want to do is be with you, loneliness is such a crime,
I just want you to spend some time with me.
 
VERSE 2
Maybe, we could get together later, maybe, if this is any indicator,
Maybe, you’ll tell me how you feel about me.
Must we play this silly game together, trust me, we could make it work forever,
If you’d tell me how you feel about me.
 
BRIDGE 2
Morning, the sun comes up; I think of you, I wish that you were mine.
Evening, the stars come out; I feel so blue.  Wishing just ain’t worth a dime;
Please listen to this simple rhyme for me.
 
INSTRUMENTAL VERSE/BRIDGE
 
REPEAT VERSE 1

---

Thank God I’m A Millionaire (Tribute To J.D.)
Parody of “Thank God I’m A Country Boy” by John Martin Sommers            Publisher:  Cherry Lane Music
New Lyrics:  Lamar Duffy, 1992.
Inspired by an unknown comedian, who used first half of verse 1 and bridge 2 in his act.
 
VERSE 1
When you live in the country, have to get up with the sun,
Gotta work like a dog just to get your work done,
Yeah, life on the farm just isn’t very fun--
Thank God I’m a millionaire!
Well the folks on the farm get a fresh mountain breeze,
If you got hay fever, gonna sneeze till you seize,
And the smell from the barn, Lord’ll bring you to your knees--
Thank God I’m a millionaire!
 
BRIDGE 1
Well I got a little fiddle, and I got a little poodle,
But I can’t play the fiddle ‘cause the poodle did a doodle,
So I took the little fiddle, hit the poodle on the noodle,
Thank God I’m a millionaire!
 
VERSE 2
Well I never did like gettin’ out in the fog,
I couldn’t start a fire ‘cause I can’t split a log,
I couldn’t milk a chicken; guess I shoulda tried the hog--
Thank God I’m a millionaire!
Well I can’t figure out why I never grew a thing,
‘Cause I’d plow ev’ry fall and I’d harvest ev’ry spring,
Sure is lucky that I learned how to sing--
Thank God I’m a millionaire!
 
BRIDGE 2
Well I got me a poodle, and I got me a fiddle,
But I can’t play the fiddle ‘cause I’m fat around the middle,
So I’m gonna let the poodle go and piddle on the fiddle--
Thank God I’m a millionaire!
 
VERSE 3
So I bought a guitar, and I wrote a few songs,
Made me a record; took me all day long,
Sold a million copies, man, I couldn’t do wrong--
And now I’m a millionaire!
Now I’m a big star, got a new attitude,
Built a bomb shelter, and I stocked it full of food,
Got a big swimmin’ pool, filled it up with Mountain Dew--
Thank God I’m a millionaire!
 
REPEAT BRIDGE 1
 
VERSE 4
Now the time’s changed, and my songs have run dry,
You won’t buy my records, and I don’t know why,
Got me stuck doin’ Christmas shows on Rocky Mountain High--
But I’m still a millionaire!
So I’m gonna get the Russians put me way up in the sky,
Gonna try to write another hit before the day I die,
‘Cause there ain’t nothin’ that my money can’t buy--
Thank God I’m a millionaire!

---

That Face
© 1987 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Where’s that girl that I’ve heard about?  I haven’t seen her yet, but I’m looking out.
They tell me, “She’s just the one for you.”  They tell me, “She’ll make all your dreams come true.”
It’s half-past eight and she hasn’t shown, no one’s heard a thing from the telephone.
I’m waiting, but still not a single sign.  My watch says it’s almost ten till nine.
Someone’s telling me that she just arrived, no one’s ever made me feel so alive.
 
CHORUS
That face, those eyes, (If you let them they can see inside.)
She looks, she looks so nice.  (You can have her if you break the ice.)
I’ve gotta make a move, I better not think twice, no.
 
VERSE 2
She walked into the room drawing quite a stare, passin’ through the crowd with a certain air
That tells me, “She’s just the one for you.”  They tell me, “She’ll make all your dreams come true.”
I felt a cool shiver runnin’ down my spine, when just for a moment her eyes met mine.
I wonder what it is she sees.  That look just brings me to my knees.
Someone called to me and I turned around, and there she was, the girl that turned me upside down.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

Till The End Of Time
© 1987 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Whenever you’re near, you bring a smile to my face,
My heartbeat picks up its pace, whenever you’re near me.
Wherever I go, I wanna take you along,
You make me feel so strong, like nothing can stop me now.
I know there’s sometimes you don’t understand the things I do or I say,
All I ask is that you give me a chance; I know I’ll make you proud someday.
 
VERSE 2
Whatever I do, I’m always thinking of you,
And when the day is through, I need you to be there.
‘Cause like a sunshiny day, the flowers blooming in May,
Your love just takes me away, to heaven or somewhere.
It seems that sometimes when I’m holding your hand, I don’t know quite what to say,
Just remember that I’ll do all I can, to try to make you mine someday.
 
CHORUS
‘Cause I love you, I’ll always love you, till the end of time.
 
VERSE 3
I know there’s sometimes you don’t understand the things I do or I say,
Just remember that I’ll do all I can, to try to make you mine someday.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

Turning Tide
© 1997 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
Another day not wondering where you’ve been, another day not trying to pretend.
I read too far, between the lines; it never once occurred to me, that you might change your mind.
 
VERSE 2
Another page beneath my fountain pen, another letter that I’ll never send.
The heart appeals, but hope is blind; I guess I’ll have to face the fact that you were never mine.
 
CHORUS
This ending won’t end, now we’re just you and me.  
No message to send; two ships on separate seas
No room left for us to hide, between the setting sun and turning tide.
 
VERSE 3
Another night draws slowly to an end, I never dreamed I’d never dream again.
I wash the words, right off the wall; a destiny that’s out of reach, ain’t destiny at all.

---

Visiting Visions Of You
© 1987 Lamar Duffy & John Beaudette
 
VERSE 1
Alone in a crowd, thinking out loud, passers-by fading from view.
Each turning face, or perfume’s embrace, conjures up memories of you-know-who.
Just a glimpse of blond hair, makes me turn and stare, just in case daydreams come true.
I guess it’s not best, to be so obsessed, but how could it hurt to be thinking of you?
 
CHORUS
Maybe it’s wiser, not to explain, the fabric of feelings that I’ve entertained.
My fav’rite fantasies pass in review—visiting visions of you.
 
VERSE 2
Walking along, somehow I’m drawn, into a sweet reverie.
As I advance, a beautiful trance, overwhelms me like a sweet melody.
Just a laugh in a voice, makes me rejoice, reminding me of you and me.
Such simple digress, seems to suggest, that you’re on my mind perpetually.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
BRIDGE
Sitting at home, my thoughts often roam, reminiscing scenery.
It makes my head spin, you’re under my skin, could something so simple be simple for me?
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

When The Movie’s Over
© 1987 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
I remember years ago, when things were not much different
From the way, they are today.
Sometimes we lied, sometimes we tried, and somehow we could not decide,
And finally we went our separate ways.
 
VERSE 2
And after miles and years between, I’m sure that neither one would dream,
We’d cross the path we’d once walked on before.
It seems we both evaded fate, but those of us who hesitate
Are often left out waiting at the door.
 
CHORUS
So when the movie’s over and we come back to today,
To a world where things aren’t what they seem,
We find that where we used to be is not so bad a place,
And sometimes you may get the things you dream.
 
VERSE 3
Where has all the time been spent?  I look back in astonishment,
At all we left abandoned to the land.
And though it’s sometimes hard to do, you need someone to see you through,
When stepping stones give way to shifting sand.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
BRIDGE
The price you pay to see inside just don’t come easily.
Just take my hand, you’ll understand, that then we’ll have the key.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

---

Wishing Won’t Make Wishes Come True (Version 1)
© 1988 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy

VERSE 1
I’d like to see you maybe Saturday night, if you’re not too busy and your time’s not too tight.
I think I’d ask you if I wasn’t afraid you might say “no” or just the question evade.
Why don’t I meet you for a drink at a bar, take in some dancing or a drive in the car?
I’d pose the question if I wasn’t afraid you might say “yes” and somehow end this charade.
 
CHORUS
Oh, what am I to do?
Don’t know whether I am coming or going; I wish you’d tell me if this feeling’s worth showing.
But the foot’s in the other shoe, and wishing won’t make wishes come true.
 
VERSE 2
Let’s get together in the park for a walk, and maybe afterwards we’d just sit and talk.
I’d make suggestions if I wasn’t too shy, or worried that you might have some other guy.
Let’s catch a movie sometime during the week, or get some dinner if your interest is piqued.
I might invite you if I wasn’t in doubt the time would come and I might just back out.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
BRIDGE
At nights I lie awake; indecision clouds my vision.
How do I end this ache?
How can I enhance my chance for romance?
 
VERSE 3
Let’s check the beach out later this afternoon, or sometime next week if today is too soon.
I would inquire, but I’m so petrified, I haven’t even got the strength to say “hi.”
Just stop by my house if you’ve got some time free, I’ll order pizza and we’ll watch some TV
I could be calling, but I sit here alone, without the courage to pick up the phone.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

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Wishing Won’t Make Wishes Come True (Version 2)
© 1988 Lamar Duffy
 
Lyrics are minimally changed from Version 1; music is different.

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Without A Clue
© 1988 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy

VERSE 1
What do you think?  What do you know?  You never let your feelings show.
Where do you go?  Where do you hide?  You keep it all locked up inside.
 
VERSE 2
Call me a fool, call me a square; it may be true but I don’t care.
‘Cause I wanna know what you’re about; if only I could figure it out.
 
CHORUS
No mystery was ever solved, or suspects found to be involved,
Without a clue.
Until the day I’m not around, or answers to my questions found,
I’m searching for the key to unlock you.
 
VERSE 3
What have you done?  Where have you been?  Just let me know what’s held within.
When will you see, or realize, the chance for love’s before your eyes?
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
BRIDGE
You keep me in suspense, a victim of my ignorance,
Of what you’re gonna say or do, the first time that I get too close to you.
 
VERSE 4
Call it a wish, call it a scheme, but let me somehow enter your dreams.
You can decide, you get to choose, but with me, Babe, you’ve nothing to lose.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

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You’re The One
© 1989 John Beaudette & Lamar Duffy
 
VERSE 1
The time has come to set it straight, I won’t back down or hesitate,
It’s time for me to put it all behind.
I’ll say it once, I’ll say it twice, and most of all, I’ll be precise,
It’s time for me to lay it on the line.
 
CHORUS
You’re the one I never found, I’ve been set up to be put down,
Please don’t say you’ve heard it all before.
You’re the one I never knew, behind the clouds, a sky of blue,
You’re all that I could ask and so much more.
 
VERSE 2
I hope that you can understand, I’m not at all the kind of man
Who does something like this so easily.
So please pay heed to what I say, it’s hard for me to act this way,
And through my broken words I hope you’ll see.
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
BRIDGE
I took my falls, I can’t count them all,
But that’s all changed, it’s you I owe, I only want to let you know.
 
REPEAT CHORUS

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